Telephone...A Cruel Game

While through life, we struggle with a lot of different things, we need to understand one thing. God has it all. He knew it all before we even existed. He knows when you're going to hurt, fall in love, be broken, find joy...He knows it all. As long as you remember that, you should be ok.
So I have this stigma that I have to get rid of. I am constantly concerned about this thing. It seems to be eating me. Further and further into the back of my mind, I keep wondering, why not tell me? Why not just tell me what I already know? You should know that anything you tell someone will end up coming back around to me. There is no secret once it's released. I would like to just take this moment to inform you that I could be wrong in what I know. But I can't ask you what this is about. I really can't. If you want me to know, if it's true that is, then you will tell me in your own time. I do not believe, however that it is true. You have not given me reason to believe this. Not in the least. So, I think that this is just another round of telephone. People playing tricks on me, you know? It hurts to say that, but it's the sad truth. People like to mess with me, so I don't believe anything right now. They like to be cruel. So until I hear those words from you, I'll focus. Just as I have been. I just wish I hadn't heard those words. My heart wants to believe that there's a twinge of truth to them, but my head says that there's no way that there is any kind of truth to them because I have not heard it from you. Your tongue has yet to dance behind your lips in such a manner to let these words drip and pour out in a conversation. Whatever your decision is...whether it's not to tell me ever or it's just plain flat out not true...I understand. Maybe you're right. I'm not ready to hear those words. I can say all I want that I won't let anything get too caught up. It wouldn't be a true statement though, because I don't know what would happen. I can honestly sit here and say that I could try to save it all on the inside. That I could hide whatever would end up bubbling on the surface deep within my heart for some kind of sake. But I can't make a promise that I don't know whether I'd be able to keep. So I wish I hadn't even heard those words. I really do. Cos right now it just hurts worse than had I not heard them at all until the time was right.

Beauty of Grace

boudaries.




♥Only Christians

♥Can't touch me (no intimacy)

♥Has to be respectful

♥Limit my alone time to public places

♥No prayer together

♥No cars, houses, or any other temptations

♥No late night talks

♥And you have to have to have to be open and honest (no exclusivity)

♥no long comp convos

♥no long texting convos

♥no long phone convos

♥no touchy subjects (i.e. marriage, kissing, sex (and yes, sometimes i do talk about sex for those of you who are naive to the way i think))

♥no pushing enemy lines

=]

that is all i ask for in a relationship

that is all i ask for...

*i want to keep myself pure and holy

*i want to keep my heart guarded

*and i don't need the extra

♥Owen



owen. the owenator. you are my other half. the big brother that i always wanted. and we need a place to put frank to rest. but anyhow...you are simplw so awesome. you showed me just how strong i really am. you showed me just how i can stand on my own two feet. you gave me the confidence to pick lola back up again and play her with a passion like i've never had. you, owen, have shown me that life is worth living in more ways than one. you pointed me in God's direction, even when i didn't think He wanted me all that much. you showed me just how much He did want me. and you told me that i had to believe it for myself. only until now did i understand what that meant. thank you bro. i appreciate you in more ways than one.



♥Marshilla (Silly bear)



wow. what can i say about my silly. you are ahmasing. you are wonderful in every way. where would my year have gone if you weren't there to supply me with laughs in Daras's class or during lunch? i owe you, like, a million bucks for everything. whether that was cos i really did borrow money from you, or cos you were there for me when i went throught that special time in my life. when things just looked like they were gonna suck. but you told me that life gets better. and look at me now. =] you are my hero...




♥Natalie



you are so cool. i think that God placed you here in my life for a purpose such as then. and to continuously encourage me when i need it. you gave me a wake up call and ever since, i have been on fire. pg said today that His mercies are new everyday, therefore, He should take down the wall. and there wasn't one to begin with. cos i am His, and He doesn't care about my yesterdays. but i'm glad that you were there when you were, cos you got me to pick myself up and realise where i was wrong and in the world. thank you thank you. you are my hero.



♥Kristen



kris. where have you been all my life? you were right there when i needed you the most. and you still are right there. you may not be texting for a bit, but i just wanted to let you know that this year, i am going to be better. i promise. you were simply the support i needed to get over john. and now that i'm done with him, i feel more alive than i ever have. i can breathe. and i have you to owe for that. cos maybe, just maybe, i don't need a man after all. maybe, just maybe, i might be able to survive without him there every step of the way. and maybe, just maybe, the only thing i needed to focus on the entire time was Him. He waited long enough cos i pushed Him aside. but just so you know, i am growing. and i have you to thank. you are awesome, my dear. you are my hero.



♥Kay



the one and only. you may never get a chance to read this, but you are simply beautiful. ahmasing. wonderful. fantastic. God has blessed in you in ways beyond all understanding. i can't wait to see what He's going to do with you. thank you for all that you do. you are so special. so precious. my dearest Kay



♥Debbie



wow. you just popped up out of the middle of nowhere. but who says that random friends mean nothing to me? i love them just the same, if not more. cos those are the friends that show you who you are. and i am glad for that. thank you debs.




♥Helen(sweet)



my bestest buddy ever. you have no idea what it means to me for you to have stepped into my life when you did. you think i'm a bit crazy sometimes, and i think you're crazy too, but that's what makes us ahmasing. we need to get some mini marshmallows and throw them at people's houses when you come over. have fun in wreckless abandon. you know? i miss you oodles and noodles girlie.=]





♥Dom



my big brother. you are so protective of me in so many ways. and i can appreciate that. you helped me out a lot when i needed it. cos you know things that He told you that i would never have. for some reason, that Sunday in Church always makes me remember the reasons why people are here and why God tends to want to interrupt what i think is good and turn it into something ahmasing. i got a lot of my faith back now. it's good that you stay on top of me with things. and i'm glad that i can talk to you about anything and everything. even when it's completely awful (like my drug problem and my whole sex issue) you were there, never really judging me, just guiding me back to the One. you picked up pieces i thought no one else could. and when you did all you could do to help me back up, you showed me a good book to get answers from and the One who is all knowing...the Author and Finisher of my faith. thank you times a million. you are definitely a hero.




♥Winslow



Well, I am just going to say that you have def become someone of value to me. I am saying this because there have been some things that you have said outside of you and I talking that made me think about my faith and where I stand. You may not know this, but I do look up to you. You are one of the coolest guys that I know. (And people wonder why I made an exception for you in the "i.hate.men" bulletin.) So yeah. Winslow, you have become one of my heroes and I'm sure you didn't even know it. Thank you. =]]

How Wonderful June 2nd Is

Ok, this is my second one for the day. I'm really starting to become concerned about myself. I'm not so sure of how I'm going to do this project. Why did God give it to me? Why not someone more emotionally stable and capable? I feel ill-equipped. I feel unprepared. I just don't think I can do this. I know that God may have very well thought me ready and that I could handle it, and I'm not going to question His judgement. I mean, He's the one who made me. He knows me better than anyone else. I'm just upset that this is completely overwhelming. I really feel like crying. There is just too much here. And I feel so broken because I'm so unsure of whether I'll accomplish all that God has in store for me. I feel like I may lose out because I will doubt when things start to get tough. I want things to be easier than they are. But that's not going to happen. Instead, I'm just going to cry. And then I'll cry out to Him. After all of that is said and done, I will for sure be the one who feels empty and exhausted. You will not find me anywhere cos I will be hiding, trying to catch my breath.

Who Knew?

Patience and ambition. They are two things that should not go together in a sentence. I mean, seriously. If you are ambitious, I highly doubt that you are going to be very patient. And if you are patient, although you could be ambitious, you are still going to wait until things are done. Yeah. Def not me. I'm the more ambitious one. I tend to actually make myself sick with worry and lose sleep if things are not done right away. Or if I just am in a big pile of poo with so many things to do and end up swamping my head. Oh well. Things are mostly done now. If I could somehow finish my article for my magazine now and work on phone calls.

Patience

It's something that I don't have. Waiting for a phone call. Or some kind of response. It's killing me. Everything for LGHY is coming together perfectly. Just this one thing is kind of making it cut short. Blank Pages music festival is going to be amazing. Mr. Spencer is going to help me get this off the ground. And then I talked with Pastor Gary and he said that Pastor Gif and him would talk about holding it there at the church. It's like Victory! Explosion, but for the next generation.
The entire concept behind Blank Pages is that you have a clean slate with God.
Lamentations 3:22-24
God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

There you go. And with this event, each person is giving God the permanent marker to rewrite their entire life. It's going to be ahmasing. I'm so amped. Until next time...