Let God Hold You

Hey there world. Long time no write. There has been so much that has gone on since we last spoke with each other. There has been a complete change in my prayer life. And God gave me this project that has taken off. It's been completely crazy. I haven't had a moment to breathe. Every time I open my mouth, a million people want to feed it. Cool, right? =) So, I'm sure you're wondering what this project is...
Way back in March, God gave me this idea. I just didn't listen. He wanted me to use my testimony to bless other people. Well, in the event that I didn't listen, I left that MySpace alone for a long time. I got back on about a week ago (last week wednesday), and lo and behold, over a hundred hits to this site. The project is entitled Let God Hold You. The entire idea was God-inspired. It deals with kids who have thoughts or have had thoughts or have dealt with through other people who have had thoughts of suicide, depression, substance abuse, self injury, self worth...anyone who has had a mental relapse pretty much. It's really cool. It has raised an overwhelming amount of support. So many people have been trying to find me and talk to me. And at school, it's the topic that drips from everyone's lips like honey. The name of the project itself, not necessarily. But, the idea behind it has. =)))
I have been unbelievably excited. Nothing, not one thing, has been of difficulty for me. The only thing that I think I've really been working on is getting this project, this organization incorporated and seeing it to a not for profit. I am working on that right as we speak. It's just been insane, cos me and my best friend, Bri, have been working on it. We see a lot of lives changed through this and impacted in so many ways. It's really incredible. God has been working miracles. And maybe I really should have listened the first time He told me to do this. Otherwise, I wouldn't be sitting here trying to figure out how to get the incorporation process out of the way quickly. And I might have had money had I done this the first time. I keep kicking myself in the face for it, but it's ok. Things have been flowing smoothly.
When the site was first up, this band called Good Luck Varsity found me. Man oh man are they ahmasing. Go and check them out. So, they messaged me. I think they do that for everyone they add. So, I hit the reply button. Surprisingly enough, though, they emailed me back. Which was rad. I have been talking to them on a daily basis ever since. I told them what my project was and what me and my friend Bri were doing. I asked them to help me and get involved. They put me in contact with whole bunch of different people. But, I have a fun time with this. Anyhow, they have been a real blessing to me and to the ministry. =))) So, it ended up being that I am working on putting together a music festival for this. Turns out it could be the next generation of Victory Explosion. He had already had given me the name of this thing years ago. "Blank Pages." It's been super crazy, cos this was the opportunity to use Good Luck Varsity on this project. And they might be able to do it. Hopefully they will. It would be fun. I contacted Jordan Baker right away and he said he'll check with the rest of the boys. =))) It was really cool cos he was the one who designed the shirt for this project.
Oh man oh man. I'm so excited for everything. xD This is going to be ahmasing. Really radnifiscent. Until next time...

Forgotten?

have you ever felt forgotten? unwanted? unloved? looked over? i have. i have felt all of those things. some at different times. some all at once. i become so overwhelmed with "who am i?" questions and "what does He want with me?" that i lose sight of what really matters. JC. i can't see past my own hurts and insecurities. i guarantee you that if i let myself fall in love with Him...settle into Him...that i would find happiness. that i would find love. hope. peace. joy. i would find acceptance. adoration. beauty. complacency. i get so caught up, as we all do, in the things of this world. we want to be validated. especially women. we want to be told that we are something. that we mean something. that we are needed. all i really want to do is serve. but i feel like i'm not finding right purpose. i live for serving others and bringing smiles. i just forgot that i wasn't really forgotten at all. and that the One Who wants to smile the most, i didn't do that for Him. i just left Him out. now Who feels forgotten, eh? and that pushes me to make a change in my inner self. now, i want to make sure that i make Him know that i have not forgotten that He is number one. my numero uno. you know what? i need to learn that life has bumps. i can't just look for that easy fix anymore. i just want to make sure that i am someone who is loved and accepted and found beautiful. i want to be someone who has a reason to be here. i'm learning that i do. and i don't need some human to tell me that. i just have to some how convince myself of all of these above truths that have proven themselves to be self evident to me. once i do that...i can realise that i am not...

FORGOTTEN

post 14

i'm a terrible friend. i don't know how to do anything for myself or anyone else. i'm self centered. and i can't fix a damn thing. how am i this way? how did i get so bad? why am i relying on others to be the solution? i need to find a way to help. cos this is stupid. why do i choose that path of nothingness. why oh why do i decide that i am it. the sun. and everything revolves around me. why do i put myself down then ask others to build me up? why oh why do i have to be such a self centered indulgent bitch? here we go again...a blog about me. everything i say is centered around me. go figure...
i have turn into the person that i hate the most. i have turned into that weird one. i can't say that i'm a good friend, cos i'm not. i can't say that i'm a good daughter, cos i'm not. i can't say that i can be there, cos i probably won't be. i suck at communication. i suck at life. out loud. and am lost in a never ending circle of self hatred. maybe because i don't want to see what's in store because i'm afraid i'm not worth it. i'm not deserving of anything greater than what i have in my hands. nothing other than the lilies that lie withing my pocket. no matter how many azaleas lay on the other side of the chain-link fence, i'm not going to run to it. i'll admire them from afar. cos that's what i do best.
how much of an idiot am i? still rambling on with nothing, but because i enjoy the feel of my own voice being spoken through a key tap. wonderful...
i'm so damn obnoxious.

Reputations

So, I pretty much suck for not being careful. How wonderful is it now that I have a reputation. And I sound like a slut to my parents? Oh joy.

Summer '07

Who Teaches Abstinence Only Education?

The abstinence-only world has produced a few stars over the years, people who will draw a crowd and spout off a laundry list of dangers they claim come with sex before marriage.

One of these is a man named, Ed Ainsworth, or "Sex Ed," as he calls himself. "Sex Ed" is a Baptist pastor with a mission: Stop those kids from having sex out of wedlock!

Ed Aisnworth came to wider attention after appearing in the 2005 documentary, The Education of Shelby Knox. The film told the story of Shelby Knox, a young southern Baptist girl, and her fight to get comprehensive sex ed in her school.

Ed appeared throughout, first entreating drunk kids in a parking lot to give up sex, then officiating as Shelby takes a virginity pledge and finally announcing to a packed auditorium that:

"The first time I ever had sex in my life was when I was 20 years old. It was in Austin, Tex., at the Hilton Hotel, at 11:30 at night, in room 1158. That's right...it was on July 15, 1978. I celebrate it every year. It's my wedding anniversary."

It had been a while since I thought about "Sex Ed." Then he popped up on Dr. Phil last month, intent as ever on telling teens that having sex before marriage was a surefire ticket to doom and gloom. At one point he stressed this message by holding up two toothbrushes and declaring:

"Nobody would stick one of these in their mouth. The reason they wouldn't stick them in their mouth is because they don't know where they've been, what they've been doing, or who they've been doing it with. I [also] have a virgin toothbrush right here. Can you get back in your box and start over? Absolutely. Can you get your dignity back, your reputation back, your innocence back, your self-esteem back? Absolutely. A person can start over."

Yup, "Sex Ed" is also about secondary virginity, that scary notion that you can simply claim to be a virgin if you promise never to have sex again before marriage. I am not sure what "Sex Ed" thinks about how someone should deal with an STD he or she got before their secondary status.

He doesn't really go in for details, favoring scarce tactics and half-baked musings like this quote found on his website: "Sex in marriage is like fire in the fireplace, it will keep you warm and make you feel good. Sex outside marriage is like a fire in the middle of the floor, it will burn your house down and destroy your life."

There are a number of Ed Ainsworth's out there. Have you encountered him or someone with a similar message? What was it like?