Nevertheless in New Providence, NJ

Last night was ahmasing. There is no way to describe it other than ahmasing. I mean, we drove three stinkin long hours into New Providence last night. It was all completely worth it though...oh so worth it.

Ok, so me and my friend get there at like, 8.30. That's a half hour past when we were supposed to be there. But it was cool, cos we skipped through the middle man and just got there with a few minutes to spare. Nevertheless was going on in, like, fifteen minutes. I think this was a total God thing, cos then we met this one dude, Jason, and he asked us what was going on, since I had my dear Lola in hand. He wanted to know if I was another performer. I kindly informed him of "no" and told him that I knew AJ Cheek and that AJ Cheek said to come see him in two months so I could show him my skills. So I followed the directions, and here I am, two months later. Jason told me he'd go to find Joshua, but no promises.

Soon thereafter, Jason returned with the most brilliant news ever. "They said they remember you real well...Gillian, right?" I lit up and nodded my head enthusiastically. My friend just laughed really hard. "See? And I never told them your name. I just found out what it was. They said that they'd see you later." I was so happy. Me and my friend just proceeded inside and I set Lola down by the stage. Article A was still playing (they're alright, I guess), so me and my friend just stood around for a minute. Then we walked over to the merch table, cos I really wanted a Nevertheless shirt. I got it, but then Adam just walked right past us. It was hilarious, cos I nearly passed out. I quickly stuffed my shirts in my bag and we hurried back over to find a decent spot. Lo and behold, there was Adam Wann, with his complete awesomeness, getting gear together on the stage. So I yelled, "Yo Adam!" and he just looked up and smiled and waved hello. That would be classic humble shy Adam Wann for ya.

Bryant caught up with us before Nevertheless went on. He was so sweet. He gave us a big hug and said, "Hey, nice to see you again." I told him that it was a three hour drive that was well worth. He told us that we was glad that we could come all this way to see the guys. We talked some more, but he was all extra nice, like usual. How I do love Brian all very much.

Me and my friend sat around and talked some more. We then noticed two girls standing by the stage, just oggling poor Adam. I told them to just go up to him. He's a normal person...still pretty rad. Anyhow, they were like, no way! So I went over to Adam and tapped him on the back. It was like we were old friends or something. I told him I still had his pick and he said that he still had mine. Which was pretty awesome. Then I introduced the girls and they were freaking out. They asked about Brad Jones, and Adam told them that he was no longer with the band, but they had Zach now. So I made a small sad face, but went on to say he wanted to be home with wifey, I'm sure. Adam just laughed. The rest of the band went to finish setting up their gear and I saw Bryant with the mics. I yelled out, "Hey! Bryant! Are they playing 'O' Child' tonight?" Hey looked over at me, smiled a soft smile, and then shook his head no. He chuckled a bit, knowing that that was MY song. That was the song I loved the most on all of their sets.

Nevertheless took the stage. It was awesome. (I think that's my new favorite word...awesome.) I knew all the lyrics and was jumping around like a maniac. They actually set up to play Topics on this occasion. When I heard that they were gonna play Topics, I nearly cried, but instead, I screamed beyond loud. Joshua looked over at me and was like, "Whoa! Hey." Topics was...let's just say they did a phenomenal job, as usual. They finished off strong with "Sleeping In", "Live Like We're Alive", and "The Real." Made me chuckle a bit, cos those songs everyone actually knew. The new stuff was very selective.

After their set, my friend, the girls, and I all went to the back to the signing line. The line wrapped all the way around and was ridiculous. I wanted to get a chance to play "O' Child" for the guys again, since I knew the right finger picking, and I fer sure knew "Rest" now. Which made me really enthused. I dragged everyone to go see Brian first to figure out what my status was. He said that it would be like ten or fifteen minutes until he could get the guys for me. I wanted to go really bad, but I knew that the signing line was insane, so me and my friend hopped to the front to find AJ and Zach. I wanted to meet this new guitarist. He was playing an SE Singlecut with a sunburst top. It was gorgeous...my dream guitar. So I wanted to be sure that I met him. I had him sign with the rest of my Nevertheless signatures. It was like he was completely honored. Me and AJ played catch up. We were high-fiving and pounding fists and such over learning new material and my recording. He told me that he saw my comments and read my messages all the time and that it meant a lot to them. I just about nearly dropped my jaw at that line. So me and my friend went to the back to hang with Brian for a minute, waiting for the line to die down, only to have my mother to call me and tell me that we had to go soon. So, I just went and asked Bryant to take care of my friend's other signatures that she wanted and then I gave Bryant a hug and told him I had to be peacin out. He was like, alright. Just told me to MySpace him when I got a chance so that they could check out my music and keep in touch and stuff.

Me and my friend got down stairs and I was a little sad that I didn't get a chance to get another picture with the guys or play for them, but it's all cool. I was like, ok, there are other chances in the world. Just as I closed the trunk, I saw a figure running down the stairs toward us in a gray shirt with light hair, only to realise that it was Joshua Pearson...I mean THE Joshua Pearson. He was running to US.
"Hey!" he said breathlessly.
"Josh!" I yelled, half laughing, half surprised. "What are you doing down here?"
"I was talking to Bryant and then I saw you guys leave. I asked Bryant if you all were leaving. He told me you were, so I had to come down here before you left," he told us.
At this point I was smiling so hard, I couldn't stop. I couldn't believe that this was happening to us.
"I heard you guys drove three hours," he said, in a bundle of happiness and pleasure.
"Yeah, so we gotta get back to Delaware. I told Bryant that you guys gotta play out that way since these three hour drives are killing us," I replied.
"Oh wow. That means so much to us. At least you came tonight instead of tomorrow in Connecticut," he said jokingly. "It's going to be more insane than tonight was."
I just looked at him, and then at my momma. We knew that the drive was like, ten hours up that way from our house. It was an impossible feat to do that. I asked Joshua for a picture and he was like, "Sure, of course." Me and my buddy got one each. It was so nice that he came all the way down just to see US. He didn't even stop for the other kids at the table sitting outside. He wanted to say goodbye to US. That was important. Almost a big mark in my life to know that we are more friends to these guys than family.

On Friday night, I was getting extra sad because we left the church late. The van broke down. We had to go back and get another one. When we finally got there, it was just in the nick of time to see Hawk bust out "Let's Dance," a Hawk Nelson classic from the new record. I was so sad our seats were on the other side of the arena, but I danced my butt off on the concourse anyhow. How fun, right?

I had stayed up the night before making pancakes and baking cookies for all the talent (that was a lot), so I wanted to be sure they had it on Friday and I wouldn't have to carry it all around on Saturday. I went over to try and get a signing line pass, but they were all sold out. And the security dude was mean. So on our way over to our seats, I made sure that I was going to find someone who would let me go and give Hawk and Krystal and Natalie and Jenna and Chad their things. I was so determined that even if I myself didn't get back there, I wanted the person who gave it to them to still do it on Friday. I climbed my way back up our section to the concourse and went straight to the World Vision table (sponsor a child, people) only to find this wonderful lady named Erin Tawks. She's a phenom. I told her about the van breaking down and staying up all night and how I was overly determined to make sure that the talent got their gifts, even if I couldn't give it to them. She asked me to inform her of my section number, and thus I told her about the infamous 213. I told her all about Jon and me covering a song and she went, "Oh, you're that girl from YouTube. I remember you. Let me see what I can do for you to be able to meet Jonathan. No promises, though, but I'll try to bring him up on the floor." So, I went back down to my seat with all of my things.

Erin came down toward the end of Natalie's set to get me. She mouthed, "Come on, I've got him for you." Then she just smiled. I got this goofy grin and forgot about my guitar for a second. When we got to the concourse, she told me that I should run to get my guitar. We waited for the meeting spot to be disclosed in a text and we were off to the backstage (yet again). She had asked if I had been there before, and I told her about last year and all about Hayley. She was like, "Oh yeah...Hayley isn't on this year. Just select dates." We got to the monitors and as we did, Pablo and Austin passed me and some of the drama team members. They overheard about the cookies. Erin and I then met up with a girl named Hannah, and she escorted us to the Friends and Family room backstage. It was awesome. They told me that the boys didn't have a lot of time, but that I would have to hurry this along and I could meet them. I was so excited. I thought I was only going to meet Jon. It was awesome.

I pulled out Lola and tuned her up just a smidge. In comes Erin and Hannah, soon followed by Jon and then Daniel. I screamed "Steiny! Dan!" And I nearly think I hugged the life out of them. They were like, "Hey! So nice to see you. How you been?" We sat down. And I explained everything to them about the treats and stuff. I was like, "You remember how Petey the Pancake died? I stayed up til ten thirty making Jason an entire pancake family." Dan was like, "That's awesome!" I told them about New Market and they were in shock, cos that's really close to Peterborough. I told Jon, "Your EP gets released on my birthday." He was like, "Really? That's so cool. That's my sister's birthday, and that's a national holiday in Canada, you know." I told him it was Veteran's day here, and he was like, "Really? They celebrate that here?" Erin then said, "Welcome to America." And Jon replied, "Thank you." Then Hannah told Erin, "I think you're the first person to welcome him here to America." She turned to Jon and was like, "I want to be the second; Welcome to America." We all chuckled as he said, thanks. I then showed them my Lola. "I wanted to play you guys my cover of 'I Still Miss You,' but it's probably really beat..." They were like, "No, go ahead." I proceeded, messing up a few times, but I was determined to get it out. When I finished, they clapped. Jon said, "That was awesome." Dan was like, "I really liked the arrangement. It was good." he turned to Jon and said, "I don't think I even know how to play that yet. I think cos it was made for piano and then [some dude or another] changed it around a lot."

I wanted to tell them why I learned. Why it was so important to me. That song came out just around the miscarriage I had. But thus, I told them this. That song helped me so much through that time in my life, when I couldn't move from the bed for about a month. Their jaws just dropped and they were like, "wow. That's intense." I saw a look of disbelief in Dan's eyes and some question in Jon's. I told them about the situation a bit and how Jason knew about it all already. Then, Erin and Hannah started whispering, signaling the end of my time with Daniel and Jon. Dan said, "That sticker (the Canada one my case) is pretty awesome. It's just so random." We all laughed. Jon and Dan gave me a hug and told me that they'd see me around, but that they were bummed about not getting to sign my guitar. It was totally cool though, as you'll see in my next post why. They told me that they'd pass on all the stuff and that everyone would get it all safely. I was pleased.

On my way back up to the floor with everyone else, Erin and I talked some more. I saw Justin in passing and he yelled out, "Hey! I'll be there in a minute, k?" I just looked at him really confused, and told him "There's cookies for you in the back, I promise." He gave me a huge smile and just kept walking. I saw Chad and Manwell and Natalie and the babies. It was awesome, that walk back, like I was important or something. Enough for everyone to stop and say hello. To ME, of all people. I guess since I was carrying a big enough guitar case. Back on the floor, we watched the rest of the show and Hawk came back on for their last song. It was rad.

Saturday, I was at the church all rosy cheeked and wide eyed come six thirty in the morning. I was antsy to leave the building. I finished off my thank you cards only to look up and find the rest of the girls walking in with our youth leader. Quite incredible sight for me in the morning, considering I had no sleep. We finally left at around ten of seven. We pulled into the McDonald's parking lot and it was quite nice, to be sure of the fact that we had to leave ASAP to get signing line passes. I was not leaving Revolve this weekend without Hawk and Krystal signing it. I was so determined, nothing could stop me...even if I had to walk into Philadelphia myself. We did leave on time from McD's with just enough time to spare when we did arrive at the venue.

I was bouncing all around, but kept gripping Lola ever tighter to me. I couldn't let her go. There was no way...today was HER day, not anyone else's. When I got inside, I took off running with my two new friends right behind me. We found our way to the signing pass line to be greeted with about four hundred passes in an event staffer's hand for Hawk Nelson. I kindly asked for one of those beautiful passes and beheld the glory of that yellow slip with HAWK NELSON typed across it in big bold letters. Me and the two other girls ran off down the concourse soon after in search of Erin. I had a thank you card for her and Hannah, since they were really awesome to me the night before. She looked up at me and was like, "Hey! How are ya? I see you got your guitar...gonna get it signed by Hawk Nelson today?" I just nodded and told her of course and then whipped out my letters. She patted her heart and said, "Awww...you are so sweet. Gift giving is your love language, isn't it?" I just shrugged my shoulders and gave her specific instructions as to who to give those notes to and whom they were for. It was hilarious. She was beaming all happy to be the deliverer of the gifties on this day.

Me and the girls went down to our seats on the floor (section 213 rocked the house on this day) and found the rest of our group just sitting like ducks with bills stuck in the water. It was funny. Our youth leaders went up with me to get another pass to see Krystal Meyers (note the rules: Only one signing line pass per person for one artist for the ENTIRE day, considering there were ten thousand girls to serve). I followed these rules to the tee. My youth leaders got the pass. Not I. They gave me the pass. I wasn't going to pass it up. I may have gotten to see two of my favorites, but I definitely did not disobey rules. (In the end, it turned out one of the event staffers gave me a passport to hit all the lines and offered to get Natalie Grant for me, but more on that later.). The day began with an ahmasing performance by the worship band. Then came the fantastic Group 1 Crew. Blanca's vocals blew me away, as they always do. Then came first break. It was short, but I was off to find my friend Jen. She was on a hiatus fer sure. I couldn't find her anywhere in that arena. Break soon was over and then Krystal came on to blow away the minds of everyone. All of our toupes fell off. Soon came lunch. I couldn't eat though; I was too excited to see Hawk, since that was my time for signing line. Me and the girls went up to the concourse to go get in line. Sadly, we were told that Hawk would be signing on next break. I was a bit sad, but knew that I would still come. If I didn't get Evan Milby's John Hancock, I would survive, I assure you. I still wanted the cutie's siggy on my Lola. After lunch, the best part of the show came on. I was dancing in the aisles and couldn't contain myself when Jon, Dan, Jas, and Justin all took the stage by storm. I think what made the performance classic was not the playing, but the way it was played. Plus, Justin kept getting things thrown on him as the tech crew guy added Stevie Wonder sunglasses, a funky cap I would associate with Neworldson, and a scarf that would none other be dawned by Pablo or Glen. It was priceless. Then Jas finally saw it. I almost nearly died of laughter.

Hawk finished their set and was followed out by Courtney Clark Cleveland. I went up to the concourse with the girls and made sure that I saw my dear Hawk. I arrived to the signing line to see it curved around the concourse nearly fifteen sections over. No wonder it was sold out. This line was beyond insane. During this time, I had my Lola out. I was asked a million questions while other girls gave me stares and I soon found that Lola was the oggling spectacle rather than the beauty of artwork she was. Anyhow, I started strumming out covers like you wouldn't believe. It was just natural to play in a crowd (now if you get me on a stage and I'm not doing it lax, there's so much pressure, so I mess up.) We finally got to the line and I swung Lola off my chest and held her by the neck. I was all ready to have them sign it...I knew the line was insane. One of the girls took pictures while I shook nervously approaching the table.
"Hey Jon!"
"Oh hey, Gill. What's sup?" --Jon
"We totally didn't get a chance to sign that yesterday!" --Dan
"Yeah, well that's why I brought her back today. I wanted to get you guys to sign it."
"Nice." --Jon
"Well, bring her on over." --Dan
At this point, I was just so happy that they remembered my face, I couldn't stand it. I was beside myself with joy.
"Hey Jas."
"Hey! So you're the girl with the guitar." --Jas (he just smiled up at me and signed Lola)
"Yeah, that's me. Did you like the pancakes?"
"Dude! I have no idea what happened to your plate!" --Jas (he stood up at this point) "I'm so sorry. They put it in my dressing room and then it wasn't there when we finished our set. I really have no idea what happened."
"It's really no big deal."
"Hey, I ate your cookies, yesterday. They were good." --Justin (read previous blog to find out about the funny story associated with this)
"No prob, Justin."
(He just kinda smiled up at me.)
Then the security line dude kept pushing me and the girls through. Thank God for friends who like to take pictures of everything. I wouldn't have gotten any of that.

We all went out through the line and came through the curtains only to be stared at once more. I peered down into the venue on the floor and stared at the stage. Took me all of two seconds to realise that Evan Milby was signing. So many girls were gathered at the stage front. I made my way down there, pushing past with my dear Lola. When I finally got down there, I heard a lot of sucking in of breath and "Ahhh." in reverance of my guitar. I pushed it up over my head and shouted "Evan! Evan!" He whipped his head around and looked up, doing a double take. He was in complete shock. "Can you sign my guitar?" All he could do was look at me in disbelief and smiled wide, still shocked. Evan said over the crowd, "Are you serious? This is so cool!" He signed it and passed it back down gently. I just hugged Lola a little closer after that signature. I recognised Tiffany on the otherside with Jenna, so I made my way over. I didn't want Lola getting banged or stolen, so I handed it to Ms. Thurston all by myself. "Tiffany! Could you sign my guitar?" She did the same thing Evan did and laughed in excitement, making this huge deal out of signing it. She and Jenna felt honored. They looked like two kids on Christmas morning signing that thing. I felt cool to have them sign my Lola. Then some girls just gathered around me, asking me questions with sparkles in their eyes. I asked them if they wanted to hear me play something. They just nodded and eagerly listened in even over the noise. I played a cover and some girl video taped it. I got asked for my autograph after I gathered a small crowd. It was awesome. I don't think I ever felt this famous (Note: I'm apparently moving up from one autograph to fifteen in a night...BIG DEAL.)

After the break, the show went on to Natalie Grant talking about being a world changer and the worship band doing Amazing Grace. Then the conference ended. I made my way up to my group and told them I'd meet them up on the concourse. I had to find the guy who promised me a spot in the Krystal Meyers line. I finally found him, and he was super sweet. I got in that line, and begged to be the last. I really wanted to play her my cover version of "Sing For Me." No one knew if there would be time or not. When the line got down to me, I took a quick picture of her and screwed on my capo (stupid me couldn't get a quick clip). I just kinda looked up at her and stuttered over my words a bit... "K-k-k-Krystal? C-c-could you sign my guitar for me, please?"
"Sure, girl." --Krystal (she just oggled at it for a minute in awe...) "Wow, you got a lot on here. Where do you want me to sign?"
"Just anywhere...and-and-and I learned a cover of your song, 'Sing for Me'. But I think I butchered it really bad."
"Oh, yeah? Play it...go ahead. I'm sure you'll do fine." --Krystal
I just started shaking and not knowing what to make of myself. I forgot the words and could barely stand. My palm was all sweaty and I kept losing the grip on my pick. I couldn't seem to bar the F right and I'm still wondering what was going on. I continued to play, and the dude who got me into the line took a picture of my disaster of a cover. I mean, this was flippin Krystal Meyers we're talking about here. I just remember the feeling of nearly passing out and my knees giving in. I also remember that I couldn't take my eyes off of Lola's neck and I just kept playing, voice soft as anything, trying to make a good impression. After the chorus, I just stopped and told her I couldn't go on anymore.
"No, girl. Keep going, it's good." --Krystal
"I'm sorry..it's really bad. I'm really sorry."
"What's your name?" --Krystal
"Gill...I'm Gill."
She hugged me and thanked me for playing for her. Then there was another girl who came up behind me to get Krystal's autograph for her book. All I knew was that Krystal was too nice to me.

I went home that day with a smile on my face and crashed as soon as I got in the door. No sleep the night before warranted a decent rest that evening. Plus, I had to do praise and worship in service the following day. So there's my Revolve Tour 08 in a nutshell. All Access. All granted.

I'd like to stab my eye now.

Please inform the world of this breaking news, please. I'm hurting. I'm breaking. I feel like an emo kid. I'm going to go dye my hair blue-black and paint black teardrops on my face. I'm going to go get a new piercing and then tatoo my entire body. I'm just to upset. So very darkly upset. I think I did it again. And I'm going to keep this on the inside. I don't like sharing this. I don't want to share this at all. I'm just a bit on the sad side. Just a bit. So please, be kind enough to be more honest with me than you ever would be with anyone else. I need to know something. I need to know anything at this point. I'm grasping nothing. Today just really sucked so badly. At least Owen was trying to make it somewhat better. I'm telling you, if Revolve completely blows this weekend, I'm gonna completely cry all over Miss Lisa. I really am. And then I won't want to be alive anymore.
Can I be blatantly honest with you? I really do want to be honest with you...even though no one is reading this, I'm sure. Let me tell you something: I don't see myself going anywhere after these next few weeks are up. I could tell you that I have something to live for (God), but I have not much to live for. Until now, I thought I was fine, but I can't be sure anymore. I really can't. How uncool is that? How is it that I can't manage to realise that that's reason enough? Can I be evermore honest with you? I really secretly wished he liked me, but I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to expect anything. I'm going to remain ever quiet still. I'm going to just go unnoticed again.
How about one more truth for ya? I've been hiding. I've been sinking back. There ever pressing darkness of winter is sinking in all around me. When spring comes, I seem to bloom and gain strength. When fall and winter show, I can't be strong. I just seem to want to go away.

Oh No!...but Oh Yes!

Interesting title, is it not? It holds your attention. I'm feeling like cereal. Sorry I haven't gotten to you guys in soooooooo very long. LGHY should be up come Christmas. (An excellent Christmas gift it would be) I highly doubt anyone really reads this thing. Maybe one day, when I become famous, everyone will read this thing. Ahahaha. Now, as for other news...been writing songs like there's no tomorrow. I'm actually going into the studio on Tuesday to start the recording process of my first ep. Yes, I said my FIRST EP PEOPLE!!! How exciting is that? And the people who follow me from the beginning, you are excellent. Which reminds me...drop me a line. I love getting email. gillianddowling@hotmail.com I respond to everything. Me and Lola (my acoustica). So yeppers.

In other excitement, I'll be going to Revolve Tour Philly date this upcoming weekend. Anyone else going? Please feel free to respond at any moment. I'm bringing my acoustica with me, making things ultra exciting. Hopefully after these last few autographs, she'll be all extra retired because I'll be busting out a spankin new Fender classic series acoustic-electric. Yamaha's are cool and all, but they are no Fender. Or PRS. Resulting in me buying a new electric as well. Things are way worth the price when you're a musician. Can't wait to be playing live at some event. By then, maybe I'll have a band behind me. But for now, I'm just going to be playing solo live by myself with an acoustic and a mic. Nothing says "I'M HERE!" other than legwarmers and a pick.

Last but most certainly not least, I've managed to figure out how to play a few covers. below, you'll find some of my better ones. I figure that y'all might as well see my stuff while it's in the making. (No pun or direct comment intended here towards Nevertheless [the greatest band alive right now, musically]). I've also been talking to Steingard, a guitarist I admire greatly. He's really down to earth and gives great advice on instrumentals and handling. Not to mention an excellent person to go to when life gets ya down. He's pretty rad. (Note to Jonathan: Sorry if sometimes I ask so much or bomabard you with a heavy situation. You're the only one who gives me a straight answer though.) Going on with this entry...I'd like to leave you with a taste of me. Hope you like it.





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