Telephone...A Cruel Game

While through life, we struggle with a lot of different things, we need to understand one thing. God has it all. He knew it all before we even existed. He knows when you're going to hurt, fall in love, be broken, find joy...He knows it all. As long as you remember that, you should be ok.
So I have this stigma that I have to get rid of. I am constantly concerned about this thing. It seems to be eating me. Further and further into the back of my mind, I keep wondering, why not tell me? Why not just tell me what I already know? You should know that anything you tell someone will end up coming back around to me. There is no secret once it's released. I would like to just take this moment to inform you that I could be wrong in what I know. But I can't ask you what this is about. I really can't. If you want me to know, if it's true that is, then you will tell me in your own time. I do not believe, however that it is true. You have not given me reason to believe this. Not in the least. So, I think that this is just another round of telephone. People playing tricks on me, you know? It hurts to say that, but it's the sad truth. People like to mess with me, so I don't believe anything right now. They like to be cruel. So until I hear those words from you, I'll focus. Just as I have been. I just wish I hadn't heard those words. My heart wants to believe that there's a twinge of truth to them, but my head says that there's no way that there is any kind of truth to them because I have not heard it from you. Your tongue has yet to dance behind your lips in such a manner to let these words drip and pour out in a conversation. Whatever your decision is...whether it's not to tell me ever or it's just plain flat out not true...I understand. Maybe you're right. I'm not ready to hear those words. I can say all I want that I won't let anything get too caught up. It wouldn't be a true statement though, because I don't know what would happen. I can honestly sit here and say that I could try to save it all on the inside. That I could hide whatever would end up bubbling on the surface deep within my heart for some kind of sake. But I can't make a promise that I don't know whether I'd be able to keep. So I wish I hadn't even heard those words. I really do. Cos right now it just hurts worse than had I not heard them at all until the time was right.