safe to say

is it safe to say that i gave up on a friend long before our friendship fizzled out and turned to dust? no, it is not safe to say that. i did not give up. i kept pushing until i could not push no more. i could still keep pushing. but why force someone to value a friendship when they don't really want to? what's the point? said point is, it's sad. i let it get to me. i let it dither and dissolve. my best friend fell off the face of the earth, and for months, i tried to prove that this friendship was worth something. tell me, if you're friends with a person, that friendship shouldn't have to be proven as anything worth keeping if they want it right? he may have said that he still valued it, but he never showed me that he did. so here's to you...you know who you are...the one that i believed in until the bitter end. the one i loved from the beginning and still. here's to you. i may take my friendships all extra seriously, but at least that means that they're worth something to me. i don't have many friendships for the reason that i keep the people i love close and try not to lose them. i failed at this one, so maybe the rest of them are going to fail as well. if you could see me right now, you'd see every single tear of hurt running down my cheek. you'd see every single push and effort i made. but if you want to let it fall apart just when i'm ready to give up, then i want to know when it stopped meaning anything to you. it seems like it stopped meaning something a long time ago. we barely talk. we barely see each other. one person making an effort makes for a hard friendship...so i'm not so sorry to say that i'm glad it's over. don't think of it as me saying you were ever a burden and this friendship was a hard one because of me carrying it. that's not it. i didn't mind carrying it. but if you want this friendship to ever become again (i mean, after fifteen years of a friendship, i wouldn't have expected it to fall apart), i'll let you pursue it. i'm gonna move one with my life and stop feeling sorry that things suck. so i'm done. and this is done. end of discussion.