no matter what

i'll still love you. i'll still be here. i'm still your number one. you're still my number above one. we're still besties. i'm still bummed. i still suck. i'm never letting go. you'll forever give me butterflies. it'll still hurt when another girl tells you she loves you and you'll accept that among friends. i'm still hurting. i'll always have a hole in my heart. my name will always be underguard. love will kill me. i'll still write you. i'll still pretend that nothing is wrong. i'll never be ok with this. i'm still slipping. i'm still breaking. i'm still falling. i'm still among the faces in a crowd, and you'll never pick me out. it's too late. you think i'm too much of a friend for anything. you'll never really see me. i'll be a whore. i'll forever be a liar. i'm still a loser. and most of all, no matter what, i'll still love you. i will always love you, because you were my first love. my true love. the one love that made it all suck and now i can't move forward. i'll never be able to move forward. i've only the capacity to love you...and forever in my heart is you. it sucks that this is all you see, and that this is all i have to offer you. you deserve so much more. so much better. and it makes me wonder why i'm still alive, because no matter what, i will forever still wait for you. up until the day i die, no matter the distance, no matter the time, no matter how old or how young...i love you.