dear you, love me

dear you,

i hate words for the fact that they do not like me in return. for this i mean that they do not suffice for the things i feel inside. especially when it comes to that l-word. sounds like i'm in kindergarten..."l-word". what is that? but you know what i meant, right? let's face it: i've been holding out my heart for you for quite some time now. and in that time, i've been asked numerous times to just pray about it. why waste a piece of me on something that won't ever happen? well, it's because i'm afraid of the answer. i've invested so much into something that's going no where. and it's cos we've been friends for God knows how long. in all honesty, i'm sorry that i ever really loved you. but i won't stop, even after i'm probably married to some other guy. but i'm sorry i loved you because of where it's brought me...brought us. things are waaaay different now. we just aren't the same two goofballs we used to be. and that's the part of being around you i love the most. that i'm just free to be a weirdo, free to be a jerk, and you don't really care, cos you know that it's me and it'll disappear eventually. you've shown me things about myself that i would've never discovered on my own. the good the bad and the ugly have come to surface. i'm coming to terms with myself. and it's all because i've gotten a chance to know you better. you're my best friend, my shoulder to cry on when i need one, and you're more real with me than cheese on a stick. i can tell you anything and know you won't judge me, won't tell a soul...you're the greatest person i've met. and trust me, i've met some pretty awesome people. while there are days that i wish you were more of a jerk than anything, i'm glad you aren't. it only makes me more frustrated when i want to be angry, but it keeps me on my toes and makes me realise how much of a nonjerk you are. music has become a lifeline because of you. i keep my phone in my pocket, hoping one day you'll be the first to text. cos remember, you took me to be your text friend? in dead zones and full bars? and the day that you did, i was completely taken off guard. i think though, it's time for me to stop my communication with you. it's making me a mad woman. and although i've said it a billion times, i mean it for sure for sure this time. this is my final year in delaware with the exception of hollies and stuff. but i can't take driving myself up the wall. if you want to talk to me, you will. and it won't be because i said hello. so this is me saying that i cheese sandwich you.

love, me