Disposable, Dispose of Me

With so many disposable relationships that lack meaning in today's society, it made me take a step back to look at my relationships over the past years. Have I been disposed of? Yes, in more ways than one. Have I disposed of some? Without a doubt. I tend to take things for granted. Like grace, love, and people in general. I forget that these are commodities that are not happened upon everyday. There are a few people that I nearly disposed of, and with the way I treated them, I'm surprised that they didn't dispose of me. I mean, I treated them like crap. Actually, I still kinda do, but I'm working on it. There are people I take for granted. And to them, I am truly sorry. This is me sounding off the sorries that I owed years ago, but was too coward to say them. These are for all those friendships I wasted. These are for those six guys I left in the dust. These are for the things in life that I just was too afraid of. And now, I'm standing up.
As for being disposed of, it hurts. And it sucks ass. Majorly. So this is my sound off to the guys that stabbed my heart and gouged my eyes out. This is to the one guy that screwed me over majorly; the one guy that was too jealous of me having guy friends; the one guy that didn't appreciate the way i looked and "kidded" that "our kids would come out fucked up looking because of me"; the one guy that stole my heart and won't give it back. This is for the times I spent crying, trying, and never succeeding at winning you or winning you back. This is for being taken for granted, thinking I'll always be there. Well, I'm not going to be if you keep pushing me aside. I'm not someone you just fall back on. I'm a person with feelings, and if I'm second rate in your book, I'm sure I'll be second best forever.
Now me, I need to work on something. It's called not taking someone for granted, and not using someone cos they're there. I have to wake up and smell the eggs and oj. Just because now you are here for me doesn't mean you always will be if I take you lightly. I have to remember that I am not to just use you cos you're there. Just cos you're there doesn't mean a thing. Unless I really want you or need you in my life, I shouldn't just take advantage. So here's my apology one more time. And here's my final tear for my own stupidity.