Step One

Ok, so I'm letting go. I've made up my mind that it's stupid to go in reverse. The past is beat. And so was the old me. Now, I'm not going to let anything or anyone distract me. I'm done with that. Here's what I have told my friend, Nannzy:

rofl
that is
i was thinking that what was i thinking?
why was i thinking about the fact that i needed a man to complete my life.
i have all the man that i need in God
He is all that i need and should seek
no matter how much i want to be accepted by a man, there is no way that's going to happen unless i sell out to the One who put me here to begin with and loves me above all else
there is now way that i am going to let that happen to me again.
i love my best friend dearly, with all of my heart and soul
shouldn't i love and seek God the same way?
shouldn't i be looking to Him to fulfill my every need and make me feel whole?
to comfort me?
shouldn't i?
but instead, i continued looking for the love of the world
cos i only know how to feel love in a physical way.
which is absurd
but anyhow, that's how i am
that's why i looked for the comfort and acceptance of a man
instead of from my Heavenly Father, Best Friend, and Husband
so that's why i was thinking what was i thinking
i had a lot of hurt and heartache as a kid and still to this very day, i'm disappointed constantly by this destructive world
if only i just learned that God wanted me more than anyone else did
and then i would be filled
i realise He loves me, but i don't always feel His arms around me
that's why i've come up with this plan
i'm not going back to square one anymore
i'm making a list of set goals
and the fact that learning to love God back is at the top
and then the next that the next guy i am with will be my husband is there
i'm learning that life has a whole different perspective than before
i'm just different from what people see or expect

So look out for me...I'm getting better. Just give me time.